Nervous and tense – facing fear on a multitude of levels. Me, my bike, two daredevil cyclists, and an idyllic course.
What could be better – a bike ride in glorious high country – with a local?
I was feeling a bit
nervous, anxious – tense – Yes, all right I was scared BIG TIME.
You see our friend is a seasoned mountain biker.
Like my partner, he isn’t easily scared.
He’s someone that throws caution to the wind – gets in there and gives it a go.
And whilst I’ve gotten braver and accomplished things I’d never dare – facing fears with an adventurous husband –
I’m still a wee bit cautious at times – especially when it comes to outdoor recreational pursuits.
It all started so, so well.
The terrain was undemanding – no what the f$^^!! do I here moments.
I adopted the ‘Let the boys roar on ahead’ while I mosey on behind – at my own pace.
I shoulda known, right.
It was like they’d sat down – over the best coffee they could find – and devised the strategy.
A strategy that was all about – Greg coming out of this biking trek – in one piece – intact (physically, mentally…. and bike-wise).
I mean this was a trek – where Negative Nelly – was let off the leash – and was ‘goin to town’:
- nope – can’t do it;
- I’ll stuff it up;
- I’ll get half way up and run outta legs;
- I’ll end up in a crumbling pile with the bike parts scattered everywhere among the gorgeous surrounds;
- You $#!!! (*&^ why’d you bring me here (Yep I was losing it a bit here, need to chillax).
Anyway back to the ride.
I shoulda known – The gentle beginning was a ruse – gently lulling me into ‘this’ll be okay’ terrain.
Up ahead were steep, steep *&#$@! hills – yep one after the other.
And little did I know about the dips or incredibly tight corners – that induced heart palpitations and buckets of sweat – and had me almost too scared to look ahead.
So I’m looking at these hills slowly approaching (as my pedal speed suddenly dives) and thinking SERIOUSLY!!
- Side note and BTW: Did I mention this wasn’t your everyday bike track? It was a track favoured by the daredevil locals: a track we later found out was utilised for recreational competitions.
Suddenly, Devious Greg recognises this opportunity for what it is – and makes his grand entrance:
- Why not chillax right here Greg…
- Text the boys and tell them you’ll see them afterwards.
- I mean they’re off on their Boys Own Adventure.
I shoulda known though. I shoulda known.
There he was…up ahead…just waiting…
Devious Greg is no match for our awesome friend – or my husband for that matter.
- Do you think they were gonna let me chillax?
- HELL NO!!
Having a husband – who encourages, supports, and recognises capacity and possibility in me when I’ve closed down to fear…
A husband that is patient to the point where I’d probably long have given up.
Now that’s ONE thing – but you mean to tell me there’s a back up – a standby – a friend who’s like that as well.
I was outnumbered here big time.
Our friend is there through every twist and turn,
through every OMFG heart stopping occasion .
- Yep you’ve gotta jump that.
through every up and over bone shaking obstacle and
- Seriously anything loose here – is lost forever.
It’s like he’s read my mind – like he’s listened in to Devious Greg’s incitements.
He trails just behind me – offering clear, pointed instructions (no waffle, no bull*!#@!).
He recognises the efforts I’m making.
He sees the capacity and possibility in me – and makes it manifest. Helps me see it.
He’s there in a way that’s not forced – not uncomfortable – not ‘will you leave me the $##@@! alone!!’
Whilst my heart feels like it’ll give out – whilst I’m still panicked – whilst I’m still scared to the point of tears – at times –
with support in either direction, what’s a boy to do?
I’m facing fear – I’m feeling it and riding through it.
I’m being confronted with the reality that my fears are not coming to fruition.
Heck, I’m making it through – to the next OMFG moment – and the next – and the next…with my bike and me still in one piece.
Tentatively, and more surely over the distance, I trust more in me.
I exceed my business as usual – my taken for granted thinking and ways of being.
I exceed my oh so comfortable zone – in these moments. Over and over.
I ^&%!! do it!!
Thanks to these most Devious and Cunning of Strategists.
Facing Fear – Resources
1. Check out another Fearful moment for me – when I went Rock Hopping.
2. Risk-taking can take various forms. It’s not always of the daredevil type. Sometimes it’s just everyday events.