Image of Going Back Finding Me Coming Home

Going Back, Finding Me, Coming Home

For so long, I pushed back and resisted it. For so long, I dismissed the idea outright. Going back – I  wouldn’t even countenance consideration of it.

Wasn’t going back an admittance of failure?

Wasn’t going back stepping back?

I’d been there already – done what I wanted to do in teaching – hadn’t I?

Then eventually  I just said, stuff it and let go.

I reached out, and a door opened.

Little did I know though how pivotal this moment would be.

Little did I know that this moment would be key to recalibrating my ideas about myself and my future.

And so after 6 years away, I packed my bag and jumped on the train back to the classroom.

All that train journey, my mind frantically raced, a cacophony of panic, wonderings, and worst-case scenarios.

What if I’ve lost it? 

What if I don’t cut it any-more? 

What if I don’t know how to teach any-more?

 What if I can’t connect any-more?

And as my colleague opened up the classroom door – I could feel that breath within me – held ever so tightly. 

Get organized.

Get everything ready Greg (that’ll keep your mind occupied and calm you.)

I was in ultra hyper-organization mode, getting everything ready for every ‘what if’ moment I could imagine – when someone knocked on that door.

Hello teacher.

Then another:

You new teacher?

Then another, and another……

Something clicked in that moment. I was home. 

Sitting in a circle – getting to know each other

The smiles, the laughter, the open-ness –

There was something so familiar and affirming in this moment. 

Familiarity – it’s something that I’d generally reject as status quo – as been there done that.

But this was different. It wasn’t that same-old, same-old familiarity I’d run from.  

There was something else going on here. 

It dawned on me much later…

Yes I was going back BUT I wasn’t going back as 100% same-old Greg that left the classroom 6 years earlier.

Sure there were elements of old me, those skills and strategies, honed over many years of teaching.

BUT I was much changed.

I could not help but be changed by my desire to keep extending and challenging my comfort zone. Pushing The Edges – wherever I was working. 

And that enabled me to see possibilities I hadn’t imagined before – in the classroom – with a whole new set of skills at my disposal.

Yes I was going back and coming home but this was qualitatively different.

And it felt SO SO good. 

I am a fire burning indefinitely - Coming Home Post


  1. Sherri Spelic January 25, 2016
    • Greg Curran January 27, 2016